I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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