my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
