I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize