This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
