So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
