She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
