New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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