I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
