Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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