At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
