I molested 6 butterflies tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this boner is exhausting
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
