At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
