Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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