I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
