Sry I called you an 8
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
