I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
