This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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