That's intense
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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