I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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