They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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