why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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