I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
