she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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