I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
