also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
