So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
