Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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