Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
