They should really pass out barf bags in church
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need water and some morals
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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