Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
high people should be assigned attendants
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
