I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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