Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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