Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
