You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
