I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
