At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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