I wanna passion pit in your ass
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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