your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
