If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
