I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
