Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
