There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
