hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
