You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
