just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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