She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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