"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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