So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
that's an acceptable place to lick
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
God, I missed his penis.
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