does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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