Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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