and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
