I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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