im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
