I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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