I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
