i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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