from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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