So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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