at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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