i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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