lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
