what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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