And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
