I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
