Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
