so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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