Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize