I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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