I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize