New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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