It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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